What are my options?
I could be a paranoid schizophrenic and live in fear of a recurrence every minute for the rest of my life. I could go to the other extreme and deny it so completely, that I never allow the possibility of recurrence to enter my brain... and live in secret fear that if I do allow the possibilty to surface, then the cancer will come back.
I have been through days of both these extremes.
Sometimes, in some languages, there are words that just cannot be translated because you cannot capture the essence of the word in any other language.
My word, after all this vacillating between, 'I'm going to die' and 'I'm going to live forever'.... is g-a-t-v-o-l.
So, this is my resolution... It is gone. I pray that it doesn't come back. I will live each day normally and maybe a little crazily. I will not be paranoid about every little pain, wondering if it's come back (although sometimes, I may fall off this wagon... and that's ok, as long as I hop right back on), and if it does decide to make a reappearance, I will do what I have to do and I will manage. And I am tremendously grateful to the Almighty for guiding me to this space, where I am OK.
I will also try to be as healthy as I possibly can be, by doing my best to make good decisions regarding my food, body and environment.
I am surrounded by people who inspire me on a daily basis and I am so thankful.
No comments:
Post a Comment